New Year's Reflections on Music and Motherhood

Today, January 9th, is the 12th day that I’ve had laryngitis. I’m trying not to read too much symbolism into ringing in this New Year literally voiceless… but as I read the news and feel powerless over the sickening direction this country is taking, it does feel a little too “on the nose.”

Even so, ‘tis the season for reflection. Looking back on lessons learned in 2025, I’m struck by how beautifully the lessons I learned as a parent can be applied to my life as a musician.

What is a musical performance, anyways? Despite what my young students might think, playing the right notes at the right time is not it. Sure, knowing the notes is a prerequisite to classical music performance. But performance itself is the artful modulation of energy: of body, mind and spirit. Emotional regulation, physiological regulation, and nervous system regulation. We learn to move fluidly between different states of arousal. For me, this is infinitely harder and more mysterious than learning notes and rhythms; this work is always in process. A complete lack of arousal would create a flat, boring performance. But too much arousal creates a surge of physical energy that destroys nuance and finesse. The energy required for certain climactic moments is unsustainable, while the calm required for other moments cannot provide the intensity needed for those climaxes. There’s a constant ebb and flow that we want to ride and guide, not fall victim to.

I’m learning now that emotional regulation and nervous system regulation is also what allows us to respond well as parents and help our children through challenging moments. If a child starts melting down or freaking out and we react angrily or with frantic exasperation, we are pouring fuel on the flames of their dysregulation. They need us to co-regulate: to guide them towards a feeling of calm and safety, when they’re not yet able to find it themselves. 

Another big idea that I’ve been grappling with as a parent and applying to music-making is to prioritize attunement over control. Listen, and get curious. Your child may not be able to tell you directly what they need or what’s bothering them, they might not even know themselves, but if you are willing to observe patiently and see their behavior as communication, their needs may become clear. Likewise, if your violin sounds choked or scratchy, tensing up and trying to exert more control will only make it worse! What is the sound telling you about how to adjust? What is your bow telling you? What is your body telling you? More often than not, it’s about letting go in some way.

And let us not forget attunement to the ensemble! Chamber music, when done right, is the ultimate co-regulation. Apparently, breathing and heart-rates of ensemble members actually synchronize; how cool is that? But it doesn't happen automatically. We need to be so unconcerned with our own part that we have the bandwidth to really attune to the others in the group.

So prepare well, but also expect the unexpected. Things don’t always go the way you imagined, so preparation needs to be flexible and adaptable. I’m sure we can all think of many examples of this one!

And of course, not to be too cheesy, but as a parent and a musician, always let love be your guide.

Looking ahead to 2026, I’m excited for the following concerts coming up:

First, in February: Bach Family and Friends with fellow Concordia Conservatory faculty: flutist Clare Hoffman and cellist Jonathan Kim. While J.S. Bach and W.A. Mozart each represent a different period of music history, this concert creates continuity between those periods, with gorgeous, expressive, and inventive music by Bach’s children (Carl Philipp Emanuel, Johann Christian, Wilhelm Friedemann, and Johann Christophe Friedrich), who became mentors to Mozart and Stamitz. We'll be playing the program as a house concert, at libraries, and nursing homes.

Looking a bit further ahead, the big project of 2026 is a recital program called American Dreams. Kyle Walker and I are already planning performances of this program in NY, MA, CT, and FL, and we would love to bring it to you wherever you are! Expect to hear more about this as the year progresses, but here’s the gist: 250 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence, this program responds to the question: what makes American music sound, or feel, American? First, there’s an immense sense of possibility, a vibrant optimism that underscores so much of American music. There’s also the longing for an imagined utopia, a place of safety and belonging. American Dreams weaves together a wide array of American music that celebrates who we are and who we aspire to become.

As we begin this new year together, that longing for a better future for our nation feels especially poignant. I hope that this program will offer the comfort and community that we so desperately need right now.